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Season 7

Episode 86

(I'm sorry but am exhausted)

Sean had been expecting that Cloris would ask this question once she woke up, but it still hurt him that she actually asked it.   

 With his heart aching, he forced some words from his throat, "... It's gone."  

  "It's...gone?" Cloris slowly repeated, if she struggled to understand what he had said. It was such a great shock that her mind had gone completely blank. 

Dumbly she didn't know what else to say, other than to repeat his painful words.    It was gone? The baby was gone? 

   She hadn't even had much time to feel its existence, but now she was told that it was gone...for good?    

Her face took on a ghastly look, which worried Sean greatly and he asked gently, "Cloris, are you okay…"  

Cloris seemed to be drowning in sorrow and couldn't hear him, or his concern. 

She lapsed into silence and her teeth sank into her lower lip, drawing blood.    

Sean could bear her bad temper, but he couldn't put up with her hurting herself in any shape or form. He reached out and chucked her under the chin to stop her biting herself. "Vent your spleen on me, okay? I can take it. Just don't hurt yourself."   

 Cloris shook off his restraining hand. And then the tears began cascading down her face as her sorrow exploded to the surface.    

"Get out, Sean Lu! I want you to get the hell out of here!" she shouted tensely.   

 He was shocked by her attitude and emotional eruption. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. Just tell me that you are alright..."   

 "Are you deaf?! Get out! Don't touch me! I don't want to see you right now,"  she ranted, her face flushing from pale to gray.  

"Cloris, tell me..."  

  Instead, she violently grabbed a pillow from the bed and smashed Sean through the face, cutting off what he was about to say. She screamed then, "Fuck off! 

Fuck off!" It was more than just letting off steam, as she raged on and on at him.    

Panic-stricken, Sean felt like his throat was gripped by an invisible hand all of a sudden. Fearing that she might harm herself, he firmly held her in his arms instead as raw emotions played on his face. "Cloris, my dearest, try to keep calm. Just tell me what you want. I will do anything for you..."    

"Then go to hell!" she hoarsely replied. "I want you to go to hell!"    

Without saying another word, Sean held her. Obviously, he wouldn't listen to her and simply give up his life to comply.  

In his 30 years of life, he had only longed for one thing; for Cloris and him to be together forever, or until death did them part. He was still working on a way to make that wish a reality. Now, at last Cloris was with him. He could never part from her, as leaving her for even a second was almost unbearable. Never again could he permanently leave her alone in this dangerous world.  

It seemed that Cloris was irritated by something, and she kept struggling with it hysterically. "Let go of me! Let go of me! I hate you!" she screamed, her voice now ragged from abuse.   

 There was no way to account for her sudden and violent hatred of Sean.   

An idea lanced into his brain, and Sean was stunned by the thought. To confirm this crazy notion, he asked, "Cloris, do you... Do you regret having had the abortion?" he raised the question in a low tone as he enunciated each word.    The woman in his arms froze, and stopped struggling then.  

Sean's heart gave a violent lurch as her reaction confirmed his suspicion. Her face was sticky with tears and her cheeks were streaked with sorrow. Cloris looked at him with eyes swollen and red with grief. In that moment of intense pain, Sean tasted the bitterness of despair.    

Cloris wouldn't avert her gaze. So she stared back, with eyes full of hatred.    

"I hate you,"     

she didn't answer Sean's question directly. Instead she voiced a short harsh sentence to express her dissatisfaction and pain.    

As for Sean, he kept waiting for the correct answer to his question, but he eventually realized that she hated him, and knew the reason for that. The reason tore him apart.    

Cloris hadn't wanted the abortion? She had wanted to keep their baby?    

But he killed their child with his own hands...  

Sean had thought that he had already become accustomed to her hatred, and that he didn't care if she continued hating him or not, as long as she was with him. But at that moment, he realized how wrong he had been. He was suffering the utmost extremity of pain.    "I am sorry, but I had to do it,"  he mumbled as his heart ached.    

Sean was the father of the baby, and he had struggled with the tough decision. It would have compromised Cloris's health if the pregnancy had continued, and he would not tolerate her being placed in danger. Not even by their own child. The risks were too great and the baby had to be sacrificed for her own good.    

Her eyes were red and she didn't even want to look at Sean as she finally whispered, "Get out of here."    

There was nothing to do but obey her. Finally he looked at her with a sad tenderness before leaving. But he didn't forget to enjoin the doctors and servants to keep an eye on Cloris before he left. He was still afraid that she would do something dangerous.  

From this day on, everyone in the castle became extremely careful around Cloris. No one dared to mention topics that related to kids. What's worse, they didn't even dare to laugh in front of her. It was as if their happiness worsened her gloom.    

The atmosphere in the castle became as cold as eternal frost.   

 Sean had expected that Cloris would be rebellious and would certainly lash out in reprisal, and he even braced himself for her torture. Besides, he would endure anything to please her.    

Even if her spirits couldn't be raised, torturing him would be some release for her to alleviate her pain and depression.

    Surprisingly, Cloris didn't cause any fuss, instead, she was overwhelmingly meek and mild. She no longer objected to the treatment and even took the pills obediently as soon as they were given to her.  

She behaved as if she had sorted out everything in her own mind, overnight.    Sean was completely dumbstruck. He wasn't the only one who was shocked either. Everyone in the castle, including the doctors, nurses, servants and guards, not a single person could believe what they saw. Everyone waited with baited breath for the outburst which they felt sure were still somewhere on the horizon. Surely her unnatural calm was temporary?   

 Thus, everyone was on alert, and their vigilance never slackened.    

But this time, she disappointed everyone.    

Cloris didn't seem concerned by anything. She didn't cause any scenes, and instead seemed to be a very normal person who behaved meekly around others. Just like a puppet on a string, she would do whatever people commanded. 

 She seemed to have lost her own individuality and impetus.   

 Time went by, and Sean started to realize that there was something terribly wrong with her. Her beautiful eyes stared vacantly, as if she felt nothing, and her face had lost all of its expression. She was like a walking dead, or a soulless golem.    

Losing her baby had dealt her a considerable blow.    

She hated Sean, but she also hated herself.    

Cloris had told him that she wanted the abortion, and had said that she didn't want this baby.    

She was furious with Sean, and had desperately wanted to wreck vengeance on him, at any cost. But she really should have calmed down and thought it through first. Things would have been so much different then.  

But she hadn't. She was a cruel bitch who rushed headlong into ill considered decisions, and as a result she had taken an innocent life. The life of her own child.    

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she thought about all of this.    

Gradually, she became gloomy, and no longer showed interest in anything, including torturing Sean.    

Seeing her lose her vigor was agonizing to Sean.    

He would rather that she hated him. At least then she would still be a living person. A person with real emotions. Instead Cloris had become completely shut down. For now, she didn't care about anything, and had become a soulless walking dead.    

Sean had tried every possible way to cheer her up, but nothing worked. Cloris was as a flower which was starved of light, and wilted once placed in the dark of this terrible situation. There was no life or vitality to be seen in her any longer.  

Meanwhile, her depressive emotional state affected her health and she became poorly.    

Even though she was cooperating in taking her medicines, her desire for life had dimmed, and her health quickly suffered. She rapidly became seriously ill.    

All of this was noted with great concern by Sean, and he felt a constant state of panic as he watched her wither away. 

She had even stopped resisting his touch and he held her tightly, begging her, "Cloris, please... don't give up on yourself, okay? Please be strong. You haven't taken your revenge on me yet. You can't just give up..."    

But she slowly closed her eyes and replied in a soft voice, barely above a whisper, "I am sorry, but I am exhausted. I don't want to take revenge anymore."  

'It turns out that death is actually an easy thing.    

As long as I wish it, I will soon be dead, ' she weakly thought to herself.    

Deep down, in her heart, there had always been an obsession. This infatuation with revenge had kept her alive for so long. Now, however, it was gone.    

All of a sudden, she felt only an overwhelming tiredness.  


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