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(In the depth of despair)

"Please, leave now..." Jacob pleaded desperately.    
He was afraid that he would lose all self-control and really hurt Emily.   

 She was extremely distressed to see him hitting the wall over and over again.

 Wanting to stop him, she wrapped her arms around him, but he easily shook her off. Then she realized that she alone could not help him. It was pointless to stay there, so she left to find help.    

Stumbling down the passage, she shouted for the servants to help and called the family doctor to come.    

Once the doctor arrived, he and the servants rushed to restrain Jacob. One look at his crazed appearance and the manic glint in his eyes was enough for the doctor to make up his mind and he quickly administered a strong sedative. 

He instructed the servants to carry him back to bed.  

As always, Emily followed behind Jacob, and she was greatly relieved to see him settled quietly in bed. Concerned she asked, "Doctor, what's wrong with him? 

Only a few minutes ago he was completely fine. Why did he suddenly become like this?"    

Frowning pensively, the doctor looked at the patient seriously, "Could you tell me a little bit more about what happened leading up to the incident?"   

 She told the doctor everything that she could think of. Suddenly, she remembered something and her eyes filled with panic. "Doctor! I know what's going on! It's because of the chip in his brain. He has a chip in his brain!"    

"You mean a chip has caused the problem?" the doctor asked. Aware of the potential seriousness of the matter, the doctor invited a group of experts to conduct a thorough examination of Jacob.  

The experts, however, did not find any chips.    

He was in a very good physical condition, and they concluded that his temporary insanity was probably due to some psychological or mental distress. 

   Emily didn't believe them at all. She kept insisting repetitively, "Believe me! There really is a chip in his brain. If you don't remove it, he will die. I beg of you, please save him..."    

Considering her haggardly appearance, the doctors quickly agreed that she was irrational and that she was sprouting nonsense due to her panic. Without asking, they injected her with a tranquilizer.   

 She wavered for a moment, before collapsing to the floor. The servants carried her off to bed. On the way she refused to close her eyes, but kept mumbling, "Why won't you believe me? What I said is true! You quacks! You can't check anything out..."  

Eventually, she could not resist the tranquilizer's effects and fell into a deep dreamless sleep.  

  She woke up the next day with an aching headache and a desperate thirst.

    Opening her eyes she noticed the IV bag hanging over her head and without thinking twice pulled the needle out of her arm. Stumbling from the bed, she set off to find Jacob.   

 The doctors were not on duty and she could vaguely hear their voices coming from downstairs somewhere. They seemed to be discussing his treatment, though she couldn't discern any part of what was being said. Quietly she slipped into his room and stood for a moment at the bedside. She studied the sleeping man's features. Concerned about him, her eyes traced all the familiar lines of his face.   

 "Jacob, you'll be all right, won't you?"   

 She remembered her ecstasy when he had hugged her and told her that he remembered everything that had happened between them. He had finally recovered his memories! But their happiness didn't last long, and he had suddenly and inexplicably gone mad.  

He didn't want to hurt her, so he had hurt himself instead.   

 She looked at the bandaged wound on his forehead and her eyes misted over with tears. Unable to resist, she reached out to touch his face lightly.   

 But before her fingers reached his skin, a strong hand closed over her wrist with almost enough force to crush bone.   

 In pain she couldn't reach for him, or withdraw her hand. As she looked down at him, she noticed his indifference. His eyes were locked onto hers and she shivered at the lack of warmth in them.   

 "Jacob, you're awake! How are you feeling?" she asked eagerly.  

Ignoring her question he asked frostily, "Who allowed you to come into my room?"    

He looked at her with a total lack of emotional connection, as if he were looking at a stranger.    

His reaction made her eyes widen with sorrow, and she realized that he didn't know who she was. "No one. I just wanted to see you. Jacob, don't you remember who I am?"    

"Yes. I do." He shook off her hand fiercely with a look of disgust spreading over his handsome face. "You are the person who I hate most. Don't touch me again."    

She was so weakened that the force of his action sent her falling to the floor. The pain of the fall was far less than the excruciating agony which her heart was in though.    

She couldn't believe that he had just said that to her. She forced a smile onto her pale face. "Jacob, what do you mean?"  

Suddenly he roared, "Don't you understand what I mean? I hate you very much. I want you to get out of my room, right now."    

Her ears suddenly turned deaf. Which was perhaps a good thing just then, else she would have heard the sound of every last shard of her broken heart hit the floor.    

"Jacob, you told me you'd recovered your memory. Are you kidding me now? I don't think this is funny at all... Please stop teasing, will you?"    

He stared at her with a look of disgust as if she was a bothersome fly. "Do you want me to throw you out?"   

 She looked deep into his eyes and then rose slowly from the floor, her eyes swimming in pain, incredulity, and tears.

    "You are a liar!" she cried.  

These words hit his heart like hammer blows. He could not help frowning and wondering why he felt this way.  

  'I remember that I hate this woman.    

I hate her very much.    

So how can I feel bad because of her?    Oh, this is ridiculous, ' he thought.    

"If you have again forgotten what happened between us, I hope that you will never in your life remember it anew." She looked longingly into his face. Her eyes were crimson and swollen from crying.    

Sniffing, she thought, 'It doesn't matter. Besides, if he hates me, he won't feel sad when I leave him.    

As long as he lives happily, I would rather he never remember those lost memories. Better that he hates me!    


I am tired of this spiritual pain.'    

He was touched by her disappointed face, but he wanted to control his emotions.    

"Get out of here."   

 He thought, 'If this woman is no longer here in front of me, then I shall not have such inexplicable feelings of guilt and remorse. Right?'    

"Okay. I'll go." Her voice was weak and full of fatigue. She looked like a traveler who finally wanted to give up after a long journey.    

Confused now, he suddenly felt that he had just lost something important. He wanted to remember what he had lost, but he did not know what it was. How could one remember something that he had forgotten? Surely it was impossible.    'What the hell is wrong with me?' he thought.    

Taking one last affectionate look at his face, she slowly walked from the room with small measured steps. Her ears were still ringing with his words, and she was utterly heart-broken.  

She sank into the depths of despair.    It felt like she was stumbling around in complete darkness.  

  Had she never known hope and a brief taste of success, then she would not have been so desperate at all.    

She had seen the light in the darkness and had tried to hold it gently in her palm, but the light flickered out before she could touch it.    

Bitterly she thought, 'If I hadn't seen the light, I could have endured the darkness. 

But now it is the most despairing moment to see all my hopes destroyed.'    
As she reached the door, she suddenly felt a sharp stabbing pain in her chest. 

Reaching up with a small hand she covered her heart which was beating wildly. Her face became pale and she suddenly choked and vomited a mouthful of blood.  

The floor around her seemed to become a garden of bloody roses that grew up to embrace her.  

At the door she fell into their thorny grasp and lost coNSciousness.

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