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Season 5

Episode 13

(I don't want you to do something stupid)

Beryl hesitated for a moment, then shook her head, her face resolute.

"OK Beryl. You've made the choice."

Jacob looked at her and smiled, "Sam will take the puppy away. Sounds okay?" He was pretty sure Beryl would eventually change her mind. He could never disagree with any of Beryl's decisions.

"Yeah, I guess…Sam can take him away." He was surprised to see her succumb so easily. Her head was low, as if she was trying to avoid eye contact.

Emily, who was standing next to Beryl, spotted the big tears forming at the edge of her eyes.

Beryl was such a good girl. She could've had a happy life forever. Why did she have to suffer like this? Both Jacob and Emily knew the answer. Tina. She was the sole reason. Emily kept resenting herself. Tina could've come right after her, but she chose Beryl. Why her? That little girl was so innocent and had nothing to do with the cold war between Emily and Tina.

Emily started weeping as soon as Beryl left the room. She couldn't see Beryl suffering because of her. Jacob saw her tears just as he was stepping out too.

Beryl's sad face itself was too much for him to see, and now with Emily following, he was heartbroken.

"Hey, Emily. Don't worry. Beryl will be okay, I promise. You're pregnant. Please don't stress yourself."

Emily let the tears flow as she rested her head on Jacob's chest. She had become so comfortable with Jacob. He had become a strong moral support for her, almost to the extent that it was difficult for her to cope with life without him. She hadn't expected this but it happened so naturally.

If it weren't for him, she would probably have collapsed on multiple occasions. Life was just hard to deal with without him.

She liked that he was always there for her, yet she wished she was more independent. She wanted to be tough.

She was unafraid of her enemies and all the hardships that were still ahead of her, glad she didn't have to face them all alone. Perhaps that was a good thing. Perhaps that gave her more confidence, but she also felt like it made her weak.

She stifled her sobs and stood back to look at Jacob. "Jacob, did you know that Beryl is cutting herself?" Emily asked, her expression horrid.

"What?" Jacob couldn't believe his ears. He had spent so much time with Beryl, he was confident he knew all there was to know about her. Well, apparently, he did not.

"I found out just this afternoon. I don't know when it started," Emily continued, shaking her head, dismal.

Jacob's mouth fell open. He struggled to find the words. "Is it…is it serious? I mean, how did it even start? Should we take her to a doctor? Or a therapist?" Jacob was utterly concerned.

Emily grabbed his hand, pulling him aside. She closed her eyes for a moment, as if she was summoning up strength to say the next words. "Jacob...I..." She couldn't go on. Jacob bent his head and raised his eyebrows at her, clutching her hands. She sighed and finally let it out in one go. "I want to get an abortion. I can't have this baby right now."

Her voice was so low that it seemed like the words had disappeared right after coming out of her mouth. She had been considering this for weeks but it was just so hard to tell Jacob. She kept staring at his face, her eyes darting from his shocked eyes to his tongue as it ran over his dry lips.

Finally, she had said it. Jacob heard every word she just said. " are kidding, right?" His voice was shaky. He wished there was some truth in what he had just asked. He truly wished she was joking.

Emily shook her head with eyes shut. "No, Jacob, I'm not. I'm serious."

"But why? What's going on? What are you thinking? Tell me." Jacob tried hard to stay calm but internally, he was already losing himself. "Give me a reason." His voice came out a little bit louder this time.

"I need to take care of Beryl with all my heart, and the pregnancy is distracting me," Emily looked at him and said, gulping.

"No, you can't do that…I disagree." Jacob was alarmed. This was so unacceptable. But listening to him disagree so bluntly, Emily only got firmer.

"I've already made my mind…" She said as her lips almost started to tremble. It had taken a lot of courage to even get this out there. This is what she was dreading the most, the confrontation, the questions.

"I said I disagree." Jacob suddenly grabbed Emily's shoulder and looked into her eyes, "I can take care of Beryl. I can take care of both of you. What are you worrying about? Beryl is our daughter, and this baby is going to be our baby boy. I already love both of them, Emily. And nothing is going to change."

Emily gazed at him, her voice trembling: "But, Jacob, Look at Beryl. Look at how miserable she is! And it's all because of Tina. She has done such horrible things to her and I have already failed in protecting her. How can I expect myself to protect another child if I can't take care of just one?"

"But it's not just your baby! It's our baby! I am equally responsible to take care of him." Jacob grabbed her shoulders even harder. This was very hard for him to take in. He didn't know what to say to convince Emily that she was overthinking. "Please, Emily, don't be so cruel to this baby. Don't take the world away from him. You've done everything you can to take care of Beryl. Don't be so hard on yourself." Jacob said softly.

But Emily was lost in another world. Her eyes were far off, filled to the brim. "I brought her into this world and I failed to give her a healthy body or a happy childhood. She lost the chance to be a normal child because of me." Finally looking at Jacob, she started to sob uncontrollably.

"Emily! It's not your fault, okay? There's nothing you've done wrongly. You are a great mother and you did everything in your power for her betterment. And you shouldn't give up this baby for this fear of inadequacy. It's unfair to him. You'll be depriving him of a world he's going to be a part of." Jacob begged her, his hands cupping her face as he wiped her tears with his thumb. "We will be there for him, watching him grow up. We won't miss a single moment, his first word, his first walk…" He tried to reassure her.

Jacob was only trying to change Emily's mind but she was so vulnerable at the moment, and suddenly, she mistook his concern in a completely different way.

She brushed his hands off her face and stepped back, suddenly raising her voice. "I know why you're doing this. I've always known you love this unborn baby more than you love Beryl! And it's because you weren't around when she was born. You didn't see her struggle to walk or speak. You will never feel the same way as I do."

Jacob was taken aback. Her words really hurt him. How could she accuse him so wrongly like that?

"That makes no sense! I love both of them equally. But it seems like you don't, otherwise you wouldn't have suggested this abortion. Emily, I hate to say this, but I'm really starting to think you don't care about this baby at all," Jacob said, horrified at the realization. His eyes were full of sorrow.

Emily was stunned by his words. He was right. This thought had been somewhere in the back of her head but she never faced it, but it was the truth. She never dared to face her real feelings but Jacob had figured it out.

She wasn't even thrilled when the doctor had first told her she was pregnant again. With all her attention focused on Beryl, sometimes, she even forgot there was another child inside her, growing.

When she was carrying Beryl inside her, everything was so...chaotic. She was trying to hide herself day and night because Jacob didn't want her to keep the baby. At last, she had to go to D country with Sean for a procedure. She had no idea what awaited was even worse—Medical tubes, endless pills and all kinds of side-effects. She was basically tortured form head to toe.

But the thought of giving up never came to her even then. All the suffering only made her stronger. When Beryl finally came into the world, she felt the greatest joy of her life. Everything she had gone through was worth it.

Beryl was her real family. She was the closest person to her in the world. The Tao family, the Bai family and the Lu family meant nothing to her against Beryl. She didn't have a real family before but now she did and it was more than enough.

It was because of Beryl that she could go through six years of loneliness and constant hardships. And it was Beryl who helped her become the brave and strong woman she was now.

She meant the world to Emily. She was the most important person in her life. But this baby...? Emily was unsure about her feelings.

"I will not let you give up this baby, Emily." Jacob dropped these words like they were meant to end the conversation. That was his verdict.

With that, he walked away. Neither Jacob, nor Emily had the power to keep going on about it. There were both mentally stressed. The same feelings lingered till dinner time. The atmosphere at the table was grim. Emily and Jacob just kept avoiding eye contact, exchanging the necessary words—'Give me that', 'Pass that', etc.

Beryl had no idea what had happened between her mom and dad, but she could sense the tension. She kept looking at Emily to seek clues but gave up soon and focused on her meal.

The two of them tried to act normal around Beryl but it was clear something was wrong, given how less they were talking.

That night was sleepless for both. Jacob didn't even go to work the next day. Or the next day.

Or the one after that.

In fact, he had Sam bring all the documents to the villa and rescheduled all the meetings.

Emily finally lost her patience later that week. "What's the point of doing this, Jacob? Are you trying to spy on me now?"

Jacob remained calm and spoke, "I will take care of you and Beryl. I've promised that, and I don't want you to do something stupid."



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