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Season 5

Episode 12

(Self harm)

Although Jacob used to spoil Beryl, his temper can be horrifying. Beryl learned this after she had hurt Emily. She became unconsciously fearful to Jacob.

She always felt that her father had changed in some ways, but she couldn't exactly tell what it was. Aside from her, Emily must have felt the same thing.

In the evening, Jacob accompanied Beryl to sleep and in the daytime, Emily would spend time with her. And since the work in Lu Jewelry wasn't hectic right now, she did most of her job with her computer at home. Occasionally, she attended meetings if her presence was required.

A week has passed and same thing happened just as before.

During the week, Emily had taken Beryl to several psychologists, including some of the best foreign specialists. But sadly, none of the therapies had positive results on Beryl and this made her even more worried and anxious.

That afternoon, Emily planned to take Beryl out for a walk. She wanted her to experience the outdoors and enjoy the fresh air, so she wouldn't get stuck at home.

But Beryl didn't want to go out no matter how Emily convinced her. She only wanted to lock herself inside her small room as if it was the safest place on Earth.

"Mommy, am I a bad girl?"

"No honey, you are not." Emily felt her heart broken when she heard her words. She immediately reached out for Beryl and comforted her, "Always remember that you are a good girl and you will get better soon."

"No, I won't be." Beryl sat on the blanket with her bare little feet. She then shook her head vigorously while holding her knees, "I have done bad things, I am not a good kid anymore."

"No, you will always be mommy's good girl!"

"That's good. " Beryl stared at Emily's growing belly and as if she was talking to herself, "There must be a good kid inside mommy's belly. When it's born, mommy won't want me by her side."

"Why do you say that? Of course mommy will keep you by her side, always!" Emily did her best to let Beryl understand that her love for her would never change even after the baby was born. And in strong voice she said, "Mommy loves you, so don't talk nonsense."

But Beryl didn't seem to have understood her words, and just kept saying. "After you give birth, just leave me alone and raise a new kid…"

Emily lovingly took her little hand. But when she tried to say something, she noticed something strange. She studied her hand for a second and quickly pulled her sleeves up. She then saw scars on her arm.

There were also group of grey spots scattered on her smooth white skin which was obviously caused by pencil markings.

Emily's eyes narrowed as she tried to think.

Their home had always been safe and there was no way anyone could have possibly hurt Beryl. Not unless she was hurting herself!

Emily could never believe what she feared the most had become the reality.

Her heart kept beating heavily as she took Beryl's hand again and checked it carefully. She figured out that Beryl might have done that to herself when she wasn't paying attention to her.

If she was doing that to herself all this time, there was no way Ina or Jacob couldn't have noticed. But there were times they couldn't see what she was doing. Just like today, she didn't even notice Beryl had hurt herself!

"It's okay mommy. I don't feel the pain." Beryl said thoughtlessly.

Even just a child, she may have felt that this was the best way for her to released her pain that wouldn't hurt anyone.

"I will never let you hurt yourself again!" Emily burst into a fresh bout of tears.

She couldn't imagine how painful it was for Beryl which led her to hurt herself. She would rather let Beryl hurt her like she did before instead of cutting and harming herself.

Beryl looked at her with eyes wide open, which she responded in puzzlement, "Yeah, I know."

It was painful for Emily to see all of these. Beryl had promised not do it anymore, but who would know if she hurt herself again? She must spend more time with her!

"Beryl, tell mommy. Why did you do this to yourself?"

"No reason, mommy."

Emily stopped and remembered Beryl's word about her growing belly. She seemed to care about the baby and wrongfully thought that she would leave her as soon as the baby is born…

Beryl was an insecure child and might have felt unworthy of her love and attention.

A child's way of thinking was simple. They think mothers will raise a new baby if they were not obedient or good enough.

Emily stroked her belly mindlessly, and for a fleeting moment, she did see Beryl's long eyelashes fluttered a little. She quickly looked down at the ground, feeling upset and helpless as ever.

It was said that there is a period of emotional crisis for firstborn child when they learned their mother is pregnant with a second one. They fear that the love belonging to them alone would be taken away.

And this may have worsen Beryl's mental health issues.

Emily bit her lips firmly and made a big and serious decision.

Jacob came back from work early that evening. He was beaming and first thing he did was to see his daughter. He was holding a big brown box as he walked excitedly towards her.

Beryl eagerly opened the box and looked at it. A little white dog jumped out, waggling its tale and growling at her. It looked lovely and adorable.

Beryl was dumbfounded at the moment, then she looked down at the little white dog. "Is this Baby, my cute little dog?"

Jacob nodded back with tenderness in his eyes. "Yes, I found him back."

During the time Beryl had disappeared, Emily and Jacob were so distressed that they didn't have time to think about the little dog given by Jack. It sneaked out when Ina wasn't looking and they searched everywhere but failed.

Finally, Jacob's group have found the dog and brought him back home.

But since the little dog had grown bigger and Jacob never liked the fact that it was given by Jack, he instead sent the old dog to his butler. He then picked a new one, a cute and cuddly dog just to please his daughter.

Beryl might just be a child but she wasn't easily be fooled. "Daddy, why does Baby looked even smaller than before?" "Why didn't he grow up a little bit?"

Jacob coughed and was trying to come with serious explanation it to Beryl, "When he was astray, he didn't have much food to eat. That's why he didn't grow up, but he can't be smaller than before."

Beryl furrowed her brows as she looked at the new dog with confusion. This little dog was fat and round. You can't say it was thin, but this dog was indeed smaller.

She barely believed her daddy's story.

"Daddy, give the dog to someone else. I don't want it."

"But why?" Jacob asked in bewilderment. "Do you hate it?"

"Of course not." Beryl couldn't say what she was thinking. Her eyes darkened than ever before, like a gloomy sky with no stars, no light nor emotion reflecting from it. "I am afraid I couldn't control myself and I might hurt him. Just find him a new owner, daddy."

At that painful moment, Jacob heart ached like it was being pierced by millions of needles.

He talked to her as tenderly as possible, not wanting to scare her, "Beryl, don't talk that way. You're a sweet child and you can take care of him, don't you? Daddy trusted you. I have an idea, why don't we take care of him together?"

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