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      🖤{My Boss Demands}🖤

  EPISODE 36. {Regrets... Wrongdoings II.}




    After trying to get all the scent away from my body by scrubbing every damn inch of my body over and over again. I think about what had happened again. 

I made out with my boss. With Alexander! I did more than make out with him, I allowed him to touch me... Down there. I allowed him to look at me.. Down there. 
Something that should have never happened. 

I allowed him to kiss me over and over again and I give him access to every of my body. Every place that should only be touched by Ryan. Every place that should be Ryan's and his alone, every place that should be private to me. 
I had allowed him to touch me there.. Repeatedly and I feel not even less than a whore right now. 

A guy has seen my nakedness. One that's neither my husband nor my boyfriend. I had allowed a guy that only want my body to touch me over and over again and I had wanted it. 
He told me right to my face that he wanted me. He always gets what he wants and still yet, I had given him access to my body just like that. 

Nothing could ever hurt that this right now. Nothing could have ever! This hurts more than hell and I feel like the ground should just open up and swallow me, erasing me existence from life and things would have been so much better. 

I had been so afraid of Sebastian touching me. I didn't want him to touch me because he's a stranger to me. I didn't want him to touch me because I didn't want him, because I felt that it isn't right. Because I know that Ryan is there. Because I know that it would make me feel worse than anything and yet, I had done the same very thing with Alexander. 

I don't know what's wrong with me and why the hell I could have thought that Alexander is any different from Sebastian. 
They are both strangers to me and even though I do work for Alexander and I'm attracted to him doesn't change that fact! 

My breathing is heavy as I step away from the shower and grab a towel, wrapping it around my waist and walk to stand by the mirror. Staring at myself and shaking my head with my head going low. 

Tears stings the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall and I allow them to… Freely. 

I still can't believe that I had cheated on him, cheated on Ryan. I would have felt so bad if he had done that to me, I wouldn't have been able go take it and now, what the hell am I supposed to tell him? 
I can't lie to him cause he will know something has happened, he would know that I have been touched, I don't know how he does but he always do. 

I remember when I had went to a party with my friends and I had got drunk, I had a hot make out with a stranger, a guy I don't even remember his face and when next I had seen Ryan, his expression changes immediately he leans in to kiss me that night and he had asked. "Who did you kissed? "

I had been so shocked that he knew and I was feeling more than guilty for it already. That was only a kiss but this... This was more than a kiss and he would probably find out and I don't even want to start about what he would do. 

With that same kiss at that time, even though he had assured me that everything is okay, he didn't speak to me for days and I had felt even more terrible of myself. And now this, he would probably want a breakup and I deserve it. I really do but it's Ryan. He has always been there for me and there's no guarantee about any relationship with Alexander. 
He wants me only for his own fun, he doesn't love me the same way Ryan does and I have messed everything up... Badly. 

I can't lose Ryan. I don't want to lose him. I should stay away from Alexander cause I would only do more things I hate around him without even realizing that I'm doing it because I would have been so caught up in the moment with him. 

I should leave here. 


  She wants to leave and Sebastian is still looking for her? Anyone smelling trouble?🙃🙃

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1 comment:

  1. The only solution is to tell Ryan what happened, and clear your conscience, and bear the consequences



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