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 {💘Searching for love💘}

       Episode   85.


I sniff as I splash water on my face. Sebastian was right when he said nobody would want me. No man would want to be with a lady whose body was disrespected, including Calvin. But it hurts so much that I had to get refused. 
I should have controlled myself and said nothing but damn my hormones! 

 "Isabel, please open this door. Let's talk, you're getting everything wrong. You misunderstood me, that wasn't what I meant. "
 His voice comes from the other side and I shake my head. 
That was what he meant and the message was well taken. 
He doesn't want me. I was shamed after all. 

 I sigh before staring at myself in the mirror and I can see his face, smirking at me as he thrusts into me and feel my ears with words that hurt and would forever haunt me. 

 I walk out of the bathroom and he's sitting on the bed with his head between his hands. 
He looks up at me immediately he hears the door opens and I look away from him, averting my gaze to the floor. 

 "Isabelle. "
 He calls but I ignore him and grab my bag from the floor. 
I do it around my waist before proceeding to walk out of the door when he appears in my front. 

 "Where do you think you're going? "
 He raises his brows at me and I scoff, trying to get him to move but he wouldn't budge. 

 "Calvin just move out if the way. I need to get home. "
 My voice is small and barely comes out as a whisper. 

 "You said you would stay. "
 His voice is strained and small. When I look up at him, his eyes are vulnerable and I look away. 
He shouldn't try that with me. He brought this upon himself anyways. 

 "Why should I stay if you don't want me? "
 I raise my brows and he scoffs before moving away from me. 

 "Just because I don't want to touch you doesn't mean I don't want you and who says I don't want touch you anyways? 
You're just misunderstanding everything. 
I do want to touch you. More than you want, I want to fuck you over and over again…."
 I must be crazy if those words are having effects on me but god dammit! They are having effect on me. 
It seems like all of me just seems to react to him. 
His words. His touch. Everything. 

 "I want to so badly. To see you underneath me and to finally be able to bury myself in you but I can't "
 He shakes his head and I stare down at my feet. 
Because he doesn't. Right? 

 "And it's not because of what you're thinking. 
It isn't because you've been touched or anything like that."
 He closes his eyes when he says those words as if it almost irritates him to say them. 

 "And I've told you that I don't want to hear about that. "

 "Then what's your reason? "
 I drop my bag and walk closer to his frame on the bed. 

 "Because I'm afraid. "
 He admits and my eyes widens with my brows raised. 
Okay, I didn't thought about that at all.
Out of every reason I thought he would have not to want to touch me, that doesn't go any near at all. 

  "Afraid of what? Are you a virgin? "
 I ask and he looks at me before laughing. 

 "Do I looks like one? "
 He raises his brows and stares at me. I looks away from the intensity of his gaze and stares at my feet. 

 "It isn't because of that anyways. It's because I'm afraid that if I start now, I wouldn't be able to stop and I don't know if you would feel about it. "

 "If you start now? You mean if you start fucking me now you wouldn't be able to stop? Who wants you to stop? "
 I'm confused about what he's saying and the level at which my body wants him terrifies me so much. 

 "No, not that dummy. I mean.. If. I... Um, if I.. "
 He seems almost afraid to say the words and it's making me even more eager to know what the words are that he's so afraid of. 

 "If I start getting intimate with you, I wouldn't want to let you go. Never ever. "
 He stares at me and I smile. 
His words dissolves some of my anger. At least, it isn't how I thought it is. 

 "I wouldn't want you to let you go either. 
That's nothing to be afraid of. "
 I close the distance between us and get in between his legs. 

 "No, you don't get it. I mean never ever. We will be together forever avd by that I mean marriage. " 



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